I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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