everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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