I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
