Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
