I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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