You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
