I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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