I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
