wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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