do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
