I met the friendliest cop last night
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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