We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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