I'm so fucking centered right now
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
