guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You can't just leave with hair like that
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
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