Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
