So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
