nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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