why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
