Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
