you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
my being single is dangerous.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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