In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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