A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I still have a little drunk in my system
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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