Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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