I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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