You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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