wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
