a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
