I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
