And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
