Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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