Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
