Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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