I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm like, not good at living.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
