Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
