Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
