You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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