What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
