Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
