Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize