i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
