Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
