were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
