its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
