It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
