you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
