Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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