Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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