For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
