I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
