it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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