I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
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