I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
