I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
