wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
