She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
