1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
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Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
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I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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