its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She needs sedatives and a leash
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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