it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
