What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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