I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
