he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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