You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
