you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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