I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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