I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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