I wish my penis had an off switch
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
