Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
