i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
