do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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