this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
