I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
