I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
